Know Thy Enemy: Canada

Canada always seemed to be too inconsequential to be an enemy, but we sent our crack American research staff to find out what they could about Canada to see for sure if the American neighbor to the north can be trusted.

FUN FACTS ABOUT CANADA

* Canada was originally populated by peoples loyal to Britain and dumb people who just got lost.
You mean the French?


* Canada is still technically owned by England and has to dance for them when commanded.
* That happens usually three times a year.
Almost true. The party is nice though.



* The border between U.S. and Canada is the longest unprotected border in the world. There are plans to mine it, set up video cameras all along it, and not tell Canada for a new Fox special called "When Americans Are Bastards."
FoxNews must have a Tonne (metric tonne that is) of video. It's gonna be hard to decide what to air.


* It is rumored Canada has its own military. Their most powerful weapon is the telephone with which they can call America and say, "Help! We're being invaded, Eh!"
This is correct, we would rather spend money on universal health care and education.


* Canadians are almost as genetically similar to humans as the chimpanzee.
Again true. Humans will eventually catch up though.


* Was originally called Cana, but, since everyone there said, "I live in Cana, duuuuh," the name Canada eventually stuck.
* For the same reasons, it will eventually be known as Canadaduh.
True. Makes it easier when explaining to americans how to pronounce it.



* Their national symbol is the most evil of leafs, the Maple Leaf, a.k.a. Satan's Palm.
That's right, fear the leaf!!


* In a fight between Aquaman and a maple leaf... actually, a maple leaf is even too lame for Aquaman. Our national symbol, the bald eagle, would whup Aquaman's ass, though.
Well sure, the bald eagle is a scavenger and carrion eater. Preying on the sick, defensless and even the dead. and believe me, judging by how popular Aquaman is....he's dead.


* Canadians pretend to be peaceful, but more Canadians are murdered in Canada every year than any other country.
True, by american guns.


* Canada modeled their coins after ours just to annoy us when we accidentally get useless Canadian trinkets in change instead of hard American currency.
Again, true. It amuses us to no end.



* Canada has a picture of a queen on their money to show their contempt for democracy.
Actually, it helps us save money, as no one wants to look at her pic, we keep it in our wallets.



* A large minority of Canadians speak French, and they boss around the rest of the Canadians. Bossed around by French-speaking people - that's so pathetic I can't even imagine it.
Okay, this one really is true, Really bothers me!!



* Canadians think they are superior to Americans. The rational basis for this is unknown.
Universal Healthcare, Unemployment Insurance, Free Education, Welfare for those who need it, Anti-Gun laws, Decriminalization of marijuana....should I keep going?



* Canada holds up a sham democracy to try and be accepted by the civilized world, but in fact all real decisions are made by their Moose Overlord.
If you have ever seen a Moose upclose you would understand. 3 Metres tall, 600 kilos and bullet proof.



* It's a myth that the normal way a Canadian says "about" is so that it rhymes with "boot". It just happens that a lot of Canadians are retarded.
Only the ones with recent American Heritage.


* The northern area of Canada is technically God-forsaken. If anyone there has a prayer, he or she first has to mail it to an American priest for God to hear it.
You mean Bush?


* Most of the prayers involve hockey and are promptly ignored.
This is true but only in Toronto.


* If a Canadian ever tries to express an opinion about America, hit him on the head with a rolled up newspaper while shouting, "No, No!" You have to catch them in the act or they'll never learn.
We READ our newspapers instead.


* Canada has gone its entire history without doing anything of note, something almost unheard of for a country its size.
Well, we have but the Americans usually take credit for our accomplishments. Or try to ban what we produce...ever hear of a Blackberry?


* Canada has become an entry point for terrorists which has caused Canada's boring index to decrease slightly.
But they go to flight school in the states.


* Canada doesn't have all the beliefs in liberty and freedom of speech that we have. So, if you have to go to Canada, make sure to bring a gun to help them recognize these.
LOL Yeah maybe you could help us adopt the patriot act!


* Canada is so defective that it loses gravity for six hours every month.
The americans are sucking up all the juice, So the grid goes down.


* Canada has no known industry. It's believed all their income comes from sales of maple syrup, back bacon and hockey tickets.
Don't forget beer!!


* Canadians have universal healthcare. The way they afford it is making people wait so long that most die before seeing a doctor.
But atleast we don't have to morgage our houses to get a Flu shot.


* Canadians are completely harmless, but don't assume someone who is wearing a hockey mask is Canadian. The people at Crystal Lake made that mistake and, well, it was messy.
Another american pretending to be Canadian.


* Canadians don't have any nuclear missiles because we decided they are not mature enough for them. Maybe when they’re older.
We leave world destruction up to the americans.


* Canadians have national gun registration. While solving no crime, the excessive amount of money the initiative has taken has foiled Canada's evil schemes to make mutant snow monkeys.
OH NO IT HASN'T!!! You just wait till next Christmas.


* If ever attacked by a Canadian... well... beat the crap out of him. What? You can't take a Canadian? What kind of pansy are you?
Probably an american.


* This list would be classified as a hate crime in Canada.
Probably.


* Actually, most Canadians who read this list would just say, "Eh?"
Actually we would say, "Just an ignorant american, thankfully there are less and less all the time. Eh?"

Were do one legged waitress' work????[hr]
[spoil][web]http://ihop.com/[/web][/spoil][hr]sorry couldnt help myself lol

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PERHAPS HERE ???

An Italian walked into a bank in New York City and
Asked for the loan officer. He told the loan officer
That he was going to Italy on business for two weeks
And needed to borrow $5,000 and that he was not a
Depositor of the bank.
The bank officer told him that the bank would need
Some form of security for the loan, so the Italian
Handed over the keys to a new Ferrari. The car was
Parked on the street in front of the bank.& nbsp;The Italian
Produced the title and everything checked
Out. The loan officer agreed to hold the car as
Collateral for the loan and apologized for having to
Charge 12% interest.
Later, the bank's president and its officers all
Enjoyed a good laugh at the Italian for using a
$250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000 loan. An
Employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the
bank's underground garage and parked it.
Two weeks later, the Italian returned, ;repaid the
$5,000 and the interest of $23.07. The loan officer
Said, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your
Business, and this transaction has worked out very
Nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were
Away, we checked you out and found that you are a
Multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you
Bother to borrow $5,000?"
The Italian replied: "Where else in New York City can
I park my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect
It ;to be there when I return?"

Bada Bing!