You know what? Valentine's Day is bullshit.

Bull.

Shit.

The entire day is pitted against men. It's like some group of man-haters devised a holiday intended solely to piss guys off.

Oh, hey... You had something romantic planned, huh?

Huh?

Didja?

Good luck living up to the bullshit romantic standards that have been set for you.

If you don't have a 3 carat diamond ring being delivered by a dove while the first song you ever heard together is played by an orchestra, you're pretty much screwed.

Every one of those damned romantic comedies that your girl loves so much have pretty much set you up to completely fail any attempt at romance.

Unless you're a tortured, mysterious soul (who may or may not be a vampire) that sweeps her off her feet while AT NO POINT even suggesting sex, you are pretty much out of luck.

That's it. Game over.

Thanks for playing.

Basically, if you're a guy in a relationship, February 14th is going to be a giant kick in the balls from the universe.

And lord forbid you're single.

Then the entire day becomes "Here's a bajillion reminders that no one loves you" Day.

Admittedly, they don't make cards for that.

Then again, who'd buy you one?

People jokingly call it Singles Awareness Day. They say it with an ironic smile and laugh a little too much.

Then, they go home and cry themselves to sleep.

It's not like you weren't single yesterday or that there's even anything wrong with being single.

If that's how you roll, then cool.

But then the whole world decided to dedicate one whole day to pointing out that if you don't have someone to cling on to, then your life is empty.

Yeah... Thanks, guys.

If it wasn't bad enough that you're single, suddenly society makes you out to be some form of freak.

Maybe you like being single.

Maybe you're waiting for the right person to come along.

Maybe you're busy leveling up your ranger.

Do you really need to be ridiculed for that fact?

Of course you do.

Hallmark says so.

So, now you're stuck shopping for a gift that has to sum up your feelings for your significant other. You need to find something that conveys your deep, undying love for her and how she makes every breath you take worth taking.

Or anything gold.

Either or.

Speaking of gifts... Why exactly do women think it's okay to not get anything for a guy on Valentine's Day?

The day is supposed to be about love. That sort of suggests it's intended for two people.

No, that thing you do when you're by yourself does not count as love.

Stop it.

Since the holiday is intended to be shared between two people, shouldn't you both get gifts?

Yeah, yeah. You can say it's a chick holiday all you want.

That's bullshit.

If you don't want to be celebrating Singles Awareness Day next year, make with the damned presents already.

The craziest part is that women think it's okay to not get anything for a guy because it's just presumed she's going to put out.

Don't look at me like that. It's a rule.

Now, you may ask why that's crazy. It seems like a pretty sweet deal for the guy.

And it would be... Unless something goes wrong on Valentine's Day.

Oops, you got her the wrong gift or you took her to the wrong restaurant.

Or you hit on the waitress.

Suddenly, that rule goes right out the window.

Can you imagine if a guy tried that?

Guy>> Honey, I got you something.
Girl>> Really?
Girl>> What is it?
Guy>> I don't know.
Guy>> Let's see how good a lay you are first.

He'd be picking up his teeth until March.

If sex is an acceptable Valentine's gift, then why the hell do us guys have to buy stuff in the first place?

We're there too, you know.

Isn't it kind of a communal gift at that point?

I mean you're giving it to her, too.

Wait... That didn't come out right.


Not my work btw -- it's GM Dave from : http://bannable-offenses.blogspot.com/

Now, that is awesome.

Enough said.

Kinda sad, actually, and maybe a little bitter.

Had another wonderful Valentine's Day with my wife. We met in 1967, and were married in 1974. We're very practical these days, so the new furniture we gave each other for Valentine's Day arrived this morning. Out to a concert and dinner tomorrow. Valentine's Day itself can be a bit of a rip off, so we splurge a day or two before or a day or two after. Like I said, we're very practical. And still in love, of course.

I somewhat disagree - I'm definitely in the Valentines day = Hallmark holiday group and my wife knows it, but I'm not at the hating/despising stage (even when I was single...). Call me what you will, but I rarely ever get me wife something "special" for the day. I don't believe in flowers or candy as "gifts" (I buy them occassionally for her anyway, but never for any particular reason) and I tend not to buy cards for any reason except for the annual christmas cards to relatives and birthday cards for my kids. And yes, that means no birthday cards to/from friends and relatives; they just get glanced at briefly and then recycled within the next week or so anyway. Talk about a waste of money and resources - save some trees and actually spend time with the person and have a nice conversation instead. I'm also not daft enough to consider myself capable of picking out jewelry, clothes, etc for her myself...been there, done that, lesson learned.

My wife, on the other hand always gets me a card and my now traditional Valentine's day beer (half dozen variety of specialty beers). So from our relationships point of view it's a little biased against her.

Both of us are also more than happy to avoid restaurants on Valentine's day as well. They tend to be too crowded, tend to rush you while you're there, and we've found that several of the high end restaurants have "fixed" menus for the evening to allow the kitchen to keep up with high turn arounds. As a result the food and service is usually below normal quality levels. We tend to go out to nice restaurants enough that it's not considered a "special" treat anymore anyway so why battle for crowds and stress over finding a baby sitter?

That being said we always do "something" for the day. This usually means me making a nice dinner (I do all the cooking anyway...) or ordering something in and we have a nice bottle of wine. My "contribution" to the day is staying off the computer in the evening and just spending the time with her watching a movie or whatever lame shows/movies are on TV. We watched "The Dark Knight" last night while eating take out from a local BBQ joint - how romantic!

Reading this I may sound a bit cold hearted - but I'm not really. I always remember birthdays/anniversaries and always take the time to call friends/family on these days and try to get together sometime around the date for dinner and cake (or other yummy dessert). It's just you get to a stage where presents aren't really neccessary (besides, the only things I want are too expensive to ask anyone for! New Quad core anyone? How about a new laptop? New Fridge? Thought not...) and cards simply get discarded anyway. My immediate family stopped giving birthday/christmas presents/cards to each other years ago (kids are the obvious exception!) and it hasn't affected our relationships at all - I talk to everyone in my immediate family once a week and spend an entire day with my Dad at least once a week (when he's not galavanting around the world - he likes travel and is currently spending a few months hiking in Arizona). My wife and I don't even give each other birthday presents and christmas presents always tend to be something for the house (in fact, I don't think we bothered getting anything at all this year - we just spent more money on the kids!). We always talk and try and spend time together with friends and family around special days as well which I find more important than cards/presents.

Anyway, enough out of me for now...

LOL, well im one of the lucky ones.

My wife dont care much about valentine day (the romantic type), except we both treat it as a day off ,where both of us becomes couch potatoes.

We just buy each other a card (basically to show we remembered) and a chocolat something, then spend the day lounging, and order out.

The next day we both, get back to the grind!


However, I had a crazy girlfriend a long time ago that turned valentine day as if it was her wedding day...that's another story...

Later dudes/dudettes.

PS You can always point out that valentine day is for "BOTH" of you, if she got a problem with that....RUN!!!

Theres a reason why its in "The Funny Files" ya know.
Its intended to be a "tongue in cheek" kinda post.
Aye, its heavy on irony and sarcasm as well.

I must say I'm with Werechild here:

When I said it's awesome, I meant awesomely funny!

I'm not so frustrated about Valentine's day eventhough I think it's a bit of bullshit and a lot of love, but reading from someone who claims to be that pissed off about it is really fun

If I hadn't know that I was in the funny files - my first reaction would have been "BOY!! DID WERECHILD GET SCREWED OVER SOMEWHERE, SOMEHOW, SOMEWHEN" ... mind you - I agree with most of it - thank God my wife hates commercialization of these days as much as I do -- we just do cards and a good dinner.
Enjoy your days YOUR way!

Now if only Hallmark started to carry cards like this I might consider buying them again...

Ahah how nice is that! I think I'll save it and print it next year.

That's the Spirit